Life After Minnelli Mad, Sad And Overdone
Sydney Morning Herald
Tuesday December 11, 2007
COULD David Gest be the new Michael Jackson?
If a love of bad cosmetic surgery and general bark-raving-madness are essential criteria, then Liza Minnelli's ex is a strong contender for the title of White Wacko. The week's NW features a long interview with the 54-year-old "producer", whose perpetually shiny skin is stretched so tautly across his face that it threatens to fling off at any moment. Gest, who had his first full face lift at 28, became famous after marrying Minnelli in 2002; a union that lasted a whopping 16 months. The break-up was about as bitter as a schooner of grapefruit juice and Gest continues to tell anyone who'll listen about maniacal Minnelli and her penchant for beating him to a pulp (usually after 10 too many gin and tonics), which he says has left him suffering migraines to this day.Despite his constant moaning about Minnelli, Gest tells NW how he's moved on and is enjoying a greater level of fame after appearing in the disturbingly popular British reality series I'm A Celebrity ... Get Me Out Of Here! "There's nothing like being loved," he gushes to the mag. Gest regaled the show's audience with tales of his "parents" (a one-legged fisherman and a one-legged nun), and his "maid", a lady creatively named Vaginica Seaman.It's a wonder that Gest didn't feature on Famous magazine's cover, too, given its special on "Plastic surgery addicts". Britney Spears tops the list after new pictures of her with unsmudged make-up (!) and clean hair (!) at her 26th birthday party surfaced. "Everyone was talking about her boobs - they were full and right up there rather than sagging like they were before," the mag tells. But wait, there's more. The magazine says Spears has bought herself much more than just a new pair of breasts. The "rumoured $200,000 makeover is thought to include a series of fat-melting injections, more radical liposuction, limp plumping, botox and microdermabrasion". Best she keeps well away from any kind of open fire, given the amount of flammable material flowing through her body right now. So, too, should the actors Melanie Griffith and Brittany Murphy, who have been singled out by the magazine for their ballooning lips. Poor Griffith's lips look as if they are "about to explode", while Murphy's are "so big they can be seen from space". Demi Moore, 45, is believed to have ordered the works at her last trip to the cosmetic surgeon, which cost her close to $1 million, Famous reveals. "Eyes, chin, cheeks, eyebrows, facelift, lipo on her stomach and thighs, a bum-lift, new boobs, chemical peels and even a $12,000 knee lift" make Moore the world's most expensive woman. Or maybe the world's craziest one. David Gest's dream girl.
© 2007 Sydney Morning Herald